Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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