8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't notice because vodka
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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