Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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