Non-Jews are for practice
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
