Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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