booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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