Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
