Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
