Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
