I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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