I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
