Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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