Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
