Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You dont lie about slip and slides
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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