FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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