You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
