it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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