Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
