dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
