Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
