If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
