Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
