Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
