My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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