I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
