Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
