So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
too bad you live with your parents still
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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