Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
