As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Your cock deserves a montage
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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