My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
