I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
