I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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