It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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