I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
