Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
