I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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