if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
