Pappa wants mamma naked
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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