Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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