But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
