so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
