Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
