I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
