forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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