I'd wear matching sweaters with you
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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