I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
