I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I think i got beer on your cat.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
