I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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