you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
