What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
