you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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