Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
