I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
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